July 22, 2004

Lindsay vs. Hilary For President in '04

It’s not that I like Lindsay Lohan more than Hilary Duff. I just don’t think Hilary is even in the same league as Lindsy. Sure, deciding who to love and ultimately vote for is a personal decision and one you shouldn't choose willy-nilly. You're going to enthusiastically throw away $8.50 to see them in a movie so allow me to make the choice for you! To be fair, let’s take a look at their platforms (not their shoes, but how they stand on specific issues):

ON GAY MARRIGE PEOPLE:
Mean Girls portrays positive examples of empowered gay youth. The movie actually has a message that says you should be yourself.

A Cinderella Story perpetuates unhealthy stereotypes of gay men (and synchronized swimming). Everyone in this movie is annoying; we really watched it to see Chad Michael Murray and Jennifer Coolidge.

ON ONE’S ROOTS:
Lindsay is a proud to be a red head.
Hilary tries to be a blonde. But anyone who actually saw the Lizzie McGuire movie would know that she should be a brunette. She’s hot with dark hair – it makes her look more like Jennifer Garner, and that’s a good thing.

ON MUSIC IN OUR SCHOOLS (read iPods):
Lindsay signed a five-record deal with Tommy Mitolla (Mariah Carrey’s ex-husband. Thalia’s ex-husband?). And she sang in two of her last three movies.

Hilary’s first album is pathetic. Yet ... I hate that I like her first two songs. Wait, did I just compliment her? Plus, her sister is much more talented in the vocal department. But this is really what bothers me: why do you never mention that your new song is a duet and that it is indeed your sister? You don’t want her infringing on your share of the marketplace do you?

ON CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY (cause he deserves his own section):
He’s my hot boy of the year, bumping Orlando Bloom off the chart. Sorry Hil, but he’s sloppy seconds for you, Chad was already in a movie with Lindsy a year ago called Freaky Friday. Jamie Lee Curtis won an award for her role opposite Lindsy and it had an awesome soundtrack.

When Chad asked if he and Hilary were dating on the set of A Cinderella Story, he said, “No. She’s too young, she’s more like my sister.” Ouch. The sister comment is always death. Besides, Chad is 22, Lindsy is 18, and Hil is only 16. That makes Chad the perfect age for our favorite red head or for me.

ON SOCIAL SECURITY AGING:
Lindsy had a cool invite printed that promoted her 18th birthday. She even has a favorite drink. Being able to admit that means she won’t have a problem denying she likes the sauce later in life because she’s not trying to protect her fake “all American blond” girl image.

Lindsay is energetic, creative, and talented. Her credentials over-qualify her for pop star of the year. She signed with Ford modeling agency when she was only four — and she happens to be the first red-head they ever signed. She showed her versatie acting prowess in both Parent Trap and Freaky Friday aside from singing her own songs. The choice is clear: vote for Lindsay Lohan for coolest teen in ’04.

4 Comments:

Blogger Kandu said...

I must thank you for your critical analyses on these hot topics of the day. Until now, I thought all of the candidates were essentially the same, but I have to admit that I was truly under-informed as to their credentials. Thanks to you I feel I'm in much better shape to make an informed choice.

But didn't Linsay steal Hillary's boyfriend or something?

10:11 AM  
Blogger « groeg » said...

Chad Michael Murray is SO gay. He's GAY. ... G. A. Y.
.
.

he's GAAAAAAAAYYYYYY...

and old enough to drink. Let's see... I'm closer to Hollywood, so I get dibs! It's logic!

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:01 PM  
Anonymous San Diego cosmetic plastic surgery said...

Good comments. But, I do not agree with most of them. People sure have a lot of time on their hands.

8:16 PM  

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