The Lohdown

An open letter to Hillary Duff:

Dear Miss Duff,

Lindsay Lohan appeared on the cover of GQ this week. After reading it, I felt more in awe of the girl. She's so 18; but her photos convey a women three times that age. How the heck does she do it?

Down one shelf and to the left sat a sickly looking issue of Blender Magazine with your mug gracing the cover. You wore a tight Mickey Mouse shirt and short reveling A-skirt. I really liked your photo where you sat among instruments with the tiara and pink dress. Lindsay's pictures, however, were more mature, more interesting. Yours were a bad rip-off of Britney Spears' Rolling Stone cover shoot from four years ago. It made me gag seeing you show some leg.

Your article reached of Lindsay Lohan. Sadly, Blender chose to run a pull quote of you saying "Sometimes I hate Lindsay Lohan!"

Please get over it. The red-head didn't even mention you in her article.

I hope you don't blow up. It must be hard pretending to be a natural blond (you look so much better as brunette). Truth be told, I was almost liking you, too. In fact, I was planning on seeing "Raise Your Voice" this Friday ...

... alright, my motives are mostly driven because Oliver James is in it.

But please, I fear for your sanity. You can't live by constantly feeling that there's someone better, prettier, and more talented than yourself. There always will be - just be yourself, don't let the competition bother you and keep on making movies with cute boys. That's all we ask of you.

Best,
Atticus West

(Thanks to Kyle for the wonderful new title!)

(BTW, Rumors by Lindsay is fuck'n fierce. The remix is all over on line top 40 stations, unfortunately not my own local station.)