September 28, 2004

Must List by Atticus

This fall marks a return to the classics. Although classics never die, one tends to forget about such things in the constant search for the "now" and "what's next." Here are some helpful hints on what's in and what's out this season, use the tips below to make yourself a little better (i.e. a little more like me).

Take a course in gymnastics this year. You've always wanted to do a back handspring and there are plenty of gyms out there that offer classes for adults, especially out of shape adults.

Shoes designs from the '70s are a safe back to school choice. There are 703 choices of Puma sneakers for sale on Amazon. Odds are good there will be a color combination just right for you. Just please - please - remember to match your shoes with your shorts, not your shirt.

If you own one of those fancy Nike I'm-a-bag-but-I'm-really-a-purse contraptions, please burn it. For those of you who may be tempted to buy one, don't let the practical nature of such a bag influence your dignity. They're a nasty hybrid - much like capri - that should never have been invented. Five years from now when you see a picture of yourself wearing one you'll cry and destroy the photo. So save yourself the pain and humiliation.

That goes for wearing the collar up on your polo.

Yes, I know they boys are wearing shirts like that in the Abercrombie stores, but you're not one of them. They're evil and stupid, can't help shoppers, and rely on their own shallow physical beauty way too much.

But feel free to shop there; if you're going to buy a pair of shorts or a polo that'll last for three years by all means spend the cash there. Just don't expect them to have sizes other than large in the color you want. Those are purchased by the employees before they hit the shelves. And don't buy something that a million people own. Make your own outfits with items from various stores or buy from exceptionally rare and well tailored labels.

Have fun shopping this fall and remember: color is your friend. Get lots of it and try not to wear kaki, black and white all the time.


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